Category: Singles Spit Swap
Up until fairly recently, I'd been attached for a very long time. For most of my time on the Zone, in fact, I've been in one of two relationships, with only a short gap in between. Well, due to situations I'm not going to get into here in public, I'm now single - have been for a few months now - and I'm starting to think that I'm ready to test the waters again.
A little about me:
I'm thirty-three, male, white, Canadian, totally blind, and heterosexual.
I'm just shy of six feet tall, and I weigh a shade over two hundred pounds. My body type is fairly long and lean though; I have small wrists, fairly narrow shoulders, and slim hips. A good deal of my weight is actually in my stomach; I am not in the best of shape, but I'm going to remedy that soon. I have shortish dark brown hair, and my eyes are my own (one brown, the other blue). I tend to keep my facial hair short (I have never grown a successful beard or mustache, I just haven't been bothered). I tend to wear a lot of jeans, T-shirts, hoodies, sweaters and non-jean-type pants day to day. I don't usually get dressed up unless it's a special occasion, though I do like wearing cologne sometimes; I'm not what you'd call an expert on that subject, but I've been told that I wear most things well.
I love to read and write; I'm particularly fond of fantasy, sci-fi and horror, though I'm not totally against any genre.
I'm into sports, but not hugely so; I prefer baseball above all else, and hockey as a close second. My teams of choice are the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Maple Leafs, but quite honestly, the only team I actively dislike is the New York Yankees.
I'm a competent musician who can sing, play a multitude of instruments (piano, drums, melodica, recorder, French horn), and who can probably find something in nearly every genre to appreciate. I definitely prefer rock and metal, but my mind is pretty open, musically speaking.
I am a solid chess-player, and also enjoy a good game of Scrabble. I'm not quite as big of a card player, but I do enjoy a game every now and then.
I drink socially, but I don't smoke or do drugs. I could probably count the number of times I've been truly drunk on both hands with room to spare.
I own a cat, and generally love animals. I've always used a cane, have never owned a guide dog, but a previous partner had one, so I'd probably have no trouble there.
I'm an atheist of the "live and let live" sort, who won't force his atheism down your throat. I have a great deal of respect for one's right to believe, but I do have some issues with organized religion as a whole.
I'm not very interested in becoming a father, but if pre-existing children are in the cards, I would very likely be okay with that; children are just not something I'm eager to bring into the world.
I'm something of a gamer at heart; I enjoy playing, but I also enjoy the development side of things as well. I particularly prefer more complex audio games, and the mud Alter Aeon, though I occasionally dabble in other MUDs as well. I've been generally trying to scale back my game-playing, as I know it's ultimately a fruitless endeavour that doesn't give me any real-world benefits.
As a potential partner:
I'm extremely loyal, and value highly the exclusive bond I seek to establish with the right woman.
I am somewhat romantic at heart, but no one would ever call me excessively sappy. I'm rather intellectually driven much of the time, so I may at times appear to be calculating and disconnected; I'm not, though, and I warm very quickly to people. I'm much more bighearted than I might appear at first.
I'm quite attentive to the needs of my partner, and I listen well. Communication, in fact, is perhaps one of my strong points; I do talk a lot, but I also know when to be quiet and listen as well.
I'm affectionate without being overly clingy. I do love to be physically close, but I don't demand it. I am very mildly dominant, sexually speaking, but this means only that in the daily course of things, I like a little more control in my own hands. I'm not into any extreme forms of BDSM or anything. I love to kiss and be kissed, and I am very sensitive to the needs of my partner; I get pleasure from giving pleasure.
I can cook passably well and I have absolutely no qualms about doing my part to keep a nice home. I take enough pride in my appearance that I want to look good for, and with, a potential partner. My life skills aren't absolutely top-notch, but they're not weak either.
I'm pretty easygoing almost all of the time, and rarely roused to anger; it's taken me awhile, but I've come to learn the wisdom in the idea that one must pick one's battles instead of nitpicking to death every single difference in opinions.
My sense of humour is almost always present, and has been described by many as both quirky and somewhat sarcastic; I can find a lot of different things amusing, and it doesn't take much to get a chuckle out of me.
I'm the sort of man who does enjoy going out, but who also enjoys staying in when the situation calls for it. Despite an outgoing nature at times, I'm definitely more introverted than not, and do enjoy having my own space sometimes. I'm not frigid, though, or even frosty; I promise.
Here's what I'm after in a partner:
A partner should be a good communicator, eager and willing to converse on any of a wide number of topics. I love talking about damn near anything, from baseball to the possibility of life on other planets, from social justice and psychology to good movies or TV shows or the sort of candies you enjoyed when you were younger. I'm curious and interested in my partner's life, and I prefer to receive the same. I'll give as good as I get on this front when it comes to the sort of conversation I expect in a prospective partner.
My significant other should have a decent sense of humour; it's totally okay if you don't laugh at all my jokes, but if you are generally not amused by much, that will be a bit tough to deal with..
Someone who's into the same sorts of music and books I'm into is a plus, but not an absolute requirement; ditto chess, as there are fairly few decent chess-players out there that I've found thus far.
I have no hard-and-fast physical requirements as far as body type or anything like that, but I am at least looking for a woman who takes some pride in her appearance, and who keeps up a basic level of hygiene at all times.
I don't mind if your religious views aren't my own, but I don't want to be arguing about religion all the time, or to feel constricted by your opinion of my faithlessness; if that happens, that might be a potentially terminal problem.
Ideally, my partner will be fairly laid-back, intelligent and somewhat talkative, will possess a decent spectrum of interests and hobbies, and will be a good communicator, someone who is comfortable enough in her own skin to both possess and voice her thoughts, opinions and feelings to me. A relationship goes nowhere if it's hampered by an unwillingness to communicate. She will have a big enough heart to be nonjudgmental more often than not, but she will also have the strength to stand up for herself and her beliefs. She will hopefully have a good sense of humour and a fully intact desire to have fun; we only have this one life to live, after all.
A few extra points:
1. I enjoy long hair, whether it's curly, wavy or straight. This is not a requirement, but it's something I like. If you're a woman who has that sort of hair and who enjoys having it stroked, played with or even brushed, that's a point in your favour.
2. I am attracted by certain voices, but it's hard to be specific. Generally I like a voice that actually sounds a little feminine - note, this doesn't mean shrill or exceedingly young, necessarily, but it's difficult to explain - but over time I've come to be attracted by a pretty wide variety of voices.
3. I can be sharp, even sarcastic at times; it's not personal, and it's not my way of trying to start a fight. It is, in fact, usually (though not always) part of my sense of humour.
4. I find both intelligence and musicianship attractive. Remember that romantic heart I mentioned? I get chills - the good kind, of course - when I hear particularly good singing, and I thrill to solid and interesting conversation. Don't worry, though; I'm not all raw intellect. Put simply, I will get to know you the more we talk, and I want to understand, as fully and completely as I can, what makes you tick. The better I understand you, and hopefully the better you understand me, the better a potential match will go.
5. On a somewhat more serious note, I'm in this for more of a long-term relationship. I'm not looking for a fling. This doesn't mean I'm going to be talking marriage within a month or anything like that, but it does mean that at thirty-three, in the current life position I'm in, I want to get to at least a long-term steady stage.
Last but not least, let me say this. I'm looking for friends, too, so if you're interested in what you see here but aren't interested in a romantic relationship with me, that doesn't mean we can't talk. Skype is a wonderful thing, and I strongly prefer voice chat to text chat wherever I can get it. If you've read this far, and you like what you see, please do respond here, or get in touch in some other fashion. Let's talk. Let's see where this goes.
I'm some confused.
You put this in lets talk, and you want to see where it goes.
But, it appears it should be in the dating board, because it is simply an add.
I'll say a really good one too.
So, what do you want to talk about?
Wait, this seems to have been moved as I was posting.
Now it is in the correct board.
Laughing.
Scratch that part, but I still want to know what you wish to talk about?
No, actually. This is in the singles board, where it belongs. If it's also showing up in Let's Talk, I don't understand why.
I titled it this way because I don't want to seem pushy or as if I've got a one-track mind. It's literally just me putting myself out here to see what comes of it.
Ohmy got Greg I didn't know you were a French Horn player. I probably looked
for six months for one for a group I was in back in the early 90s before we gave
up lol that's a rare, but very beautiful instrument.
All the best of luck with your romantic pursuits, sorry to have derailed your
thread. But but but ... French horn players are a bit of an endangered species.
Can't say I'm a pro or anything, and I haven't played since high school...but yup, I do play that particular instrument. Tried it and liked it in ninth grade, stuck with it through high school.
Thanks for the well-wishes, Leo.
It's a good ad. I hope you find the one you're looking for.
Out of curiosity Greg, why are you looking for someone online? That's an honest question, not a fighting one.
I'm not looking only online, Chelsey, but this was where I thought to start.
Right at the moment, I don't get out a whole hell of a lot. If and when that changes, as my situation does, then I will be able to look more locally and not online.
I've done the online thing before (never specifically looking, mind you, but they fell in my lap, so to speak), and it worked well enough. Got a four-and-a-half-year relationship out of a near chance meeting online last time, so it's not like it doesn't work.
I didn't take as combattive, though. It's an honest question.
I see. Well, more power to you. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.
Right, I saw it was on the correct board.
I was multi tasking, and I saw "let's talk"
After I posted I noticed I'd slipped.
Laughing.
Again, a good add.
Good luck.
Good ad indeed.
I always choke up when people ask me what I am looking for...
What language are we speaking? What? I can't think!
Is what usually happens to me when a guy is fishing if he might have a chance.
Hope you find happiness because perfection is a nightmare waiting to destroy your dreams.
No one is perfect, least of all me.
Happiness is worth hoping for, though, because in my experience, imperfection and happiness go pretty nicely hand in hand. By which I mean that life is made all the sweeter by the various ways in which people aren't perfect. Really excellent inside jokes, fond memories and tests of strength and character can all come about because one or more people in a relationship weren't perfect; maybe they said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, missed a cue that maybe should've been obvious.
I'm obviously not saying that to be as imperfect as possible is ideal. No no. At worst, I'm only trying to say that it's the tough stuff, the stuff we come through and struggle with, that really tests us and makes us human. No good relationship is ever without its flaws and rough patches. I have never in my life seen even a friendship that doesn't have a wrinkle now and then.
Thank you for the good wishes though.
I think that communication helps a lot. To many people to afraid to speak and just won't take the time to listen.
Respect goes a long way too and people tend to loose it when things aren't in their favour.
exceptence. To love them for them and not try to make them be someone else.
See them for who they are and not where they came from.
Well said in post 13, Shepherdwolf. Wishing you the best.
good luck, Greg! I hope you find the one.
I want you to know, I do find you interesting. I've had difficulty, however, when dating people who don't have my faith. Not because they don't, but brecause some of them want sex now, and the one time I gave in, I felt terrible about it.
I think you would make a good friend, and hope you find the right person. Like I said before, it's not because youn are atheist, did I spell that right, it's that a lot of people that don't believe in something, think it's "Let's have a first date, and go to bed, together." I'm uncomfortable with that. Also, I've got eight years on you. The next one, will be permanent, at least, I pray it is. So, I'm admitting I'd love to be a good friend.
Sorry, if my comments offend you. It's not you, it's past problems, that I do not wish to repeat. Not for my sake, but yours as well. It's not fair to string you along, if we will never, well, you know, since I'm looking for hubby material. Sure have done horrid at that, so far. LOL
TC and find a good one, SW. You need someone who will be right for you. Hope you still wanna shoot the breeze.
Sarah
It ought to be said that it's not just finding someone that's right for me. It's also making sure I'm right for that someone as well. Works both ways.
I'm hardly a perfect prize. I come with baggage, the greater details of which I will have to divulge to specific parties before the situation progresses. I laid out all my good points here in public, but there is always, always more to someone than the first glimpse they give you. Such is the case here.
Not trying to torpedo myself here or anything, but it needs to be said. I need to be sure, going forward, that I am going to be good for people. There is no sense in me doing this if I'm just going to self-destruct or do harm to people.
Sarah, in your example, the faith thing would probably be a pretty big wedge. Not because I'm the sort of person who wants to jump right into bed - I don't - but because faith is a natural wedge, I'm afraid. I know a lot of atheists and agnostics who hesitate to jump into the sack, by the way; for them, it's not about religious principles, it's about moral ones. Everyone's speed is different there, and I hesitate to put it all or even mostly down to one's religious leanings. Thanks for the good wishes though.
I admit Faith isn't my only reason for not jumping where many fear to tread. I grew up, learning about AIDS, along with "What's causing your blindness?" And had a personal scare with the virus, cause of being raped in the early eighties. As with your feeling, there's baggage with me, as well. I know things, and I'm not healthy.
I will admit someone dumped me, because I had a seizure, and they, despite being disabled: "Couldn't handle this seizure thing."
That's why I'm way too, honest now. I will not have someone say "Let's go out." Then only to freak like some stupid school kid, because "Sarah uses certain medical supplies... Sarah has these weird shakes..." It's not easy on the heart.
So, this time, I am nervous. How many parents of guys said I was basically an invalid, or some hurtful thing. I may just not find someone. But, I have to try one final time, at least. Seems like the only place you find compassionate folks that understand things like severe conditions, is in retirement homes. And, I just want someone who will love me for me, but there's so many issues I have to deal with, and it might not be possible to find someone. That's what bothers me.
Anyway, I have a feeling you will find someone. I can honestly say Atheists aren't as picky as most religious folks. That's sad but it's what I must accept.
I wish you the best, and would love to be a friend, anyway.
Sarah
Best of luck to you, Sarah, in your search for the one. Having medical issues doesn't make it easy. Some people have legitimate reasons why they might want to steer clear, but many people just bolt in the other direction the moment certain things show up, all because they can't be bothered. Makes things tough.
Wow, I actually identify with Sarah on something. I mean that I too have medical conditions and such that can sometimes be life-threatening, and those conditions are one reason why I think I'll never get into a longterm relationship with anyone. Cause the reality is that they're a lot to deal with even for me, so I couldn't imagine anyone else willingly saying "Yeah I'll be with you regardless of these health issues that could turn our world upside down at any time."
Just bumping this back up, on the off chance someone sees it. I did take quite a lot of time writing it out, and I'm always open for friendship and the like.
On the plus side, I think I'm a bit better off than I was, say, four or five months ago. I'm more confident. I've got a better handle on my issues. I still have baggage, but I think the chance that it drags someone else down is much less than it used to be. I suspect I was pretty safe even when I wrote the first message in the thread, but now I'm surer yet.